The Bat from Hell

Oh, I had forgotten this story, until Chris reminded me!

When we lived on Soward we had a long hallway. The bathroom was at the end of the hallway. One day I was vacuuming along that hallway, not thinking of anything in particular, and certainly not thinking of bats from hell, when suddenly……………. A BAT FROM HELL CAME FLYING AT ME, RIGHT AT CHEST LEVEL!!! It was going about 90 miles an hour!! It was black and had a whole lot of sharp claws, ready to rip my eyes out!!! I could swear that the claws were dripping with blood!! Just before it got to me it suddenly it dove down and went roaring into my vacuum cleaner!!! I screamed and jumped away from the vacuum. I just stood there trembling, eyes wide open in horror, staring at my now possessed vacuum cleaner, wishing I was Catholic so I could bring a priest out to pour 5 gallons of holy water into my vacuum, drowning the evil thing as well as causing it to burst into flames! Fine with me.

But, I’m not Catholic so all I did was stare in terror. Finally, with a trembling hand, I reached out and turned the vacuum off and jumped back. I knew it was risky. With the beaters no longer running, it could crawl out.

Nothing happened.

Then, brave woman that I am, (I was just SHAKING with bravery!) I reached out and pushed the vacuum over on its side, and jumped away again. I was scared shitless. I really was. I waited and waited for the horrible thing to come crawling out….

Nothing happened.

Finally I screwed up the courage to get down on my knees and peer into the vacuum. I COULD SEE THE BAT!!! I screamed and jumped up and jumped away again. I swear if the kids had been in the house I would have screamed at them to “GET OUT!!”

But, nothing happened.

So I crept closer and reached out and…TOUCHED IT and yanked my hand back! Then I realized that It felt like…plastic.

So I started carefully pulling it out, and quickly realized it was one of those flexible hair clippy things that has a lot of teeth so you can clasp it in a circle around a bun or whatever. As I pulled on it, I realized I was also drawing out a whole lot of clear fishing line with it.

Well, one end of the fishing line was tied directly in the middle of the thing, Which was unclasped and which had been on the bathroom floor, and the rest of the fishing line, which I couldn’t see, of course, was strung along the hallway about 15 feet. When my vacuum sucked that end of the line in, it, of course, yanked the “bat” into the air. It also had the added bonus of causing it to flex giving the appearance of wings flapping!

I AM a rational person. I am. But it happened so fast, less than two seconds, and the illusion was so perfect I just lost it. And it was indeed going about 90 mph (or however fast the beaters spin. 90 mph sounds good.)

Chris likes to take credit for it, but he’s an honest guy and he says he doesn’t recall setting it all up. I guess it was a perfect set of coincidences. I almost died, though. It was all bad

.bat 2 Hair clip


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